This is a freebie week, so I'm going to go ahead and use this as an opportunity to go ahead and address a topic that's been swimming in my head for awhile. No one should write a YA book about me or even loosely base a YA character off my traits. I would make a horrendous YA heroine. Here's why:
2) I Can't Solve Riddles/Mysteries. What's with all these ladies that are in the depths of despair and looking certain death right in the face, yet STILL have that lightbulb moment at the last moment and save the world? YEAH FREAKING RIGHT. My mind goes completely blank when I feel endangered or threatened. I'd probably just run away. And we all know how that ends.
3) I Have No Super Secret Abilities. I can touch my tongue to my nose on command. But I don't think that will help slay any dragons anytime soon.
4) I Have Blonde Hair. You know the prototype for YA novels is you have to be naturally wispy thin with more voluminous long, dark hair than anyone knows what to do with. My hair is light and I am sturdier than a size 00. (How is that even a size?)
5) I Wear Considerable Amounts of Makeup. You know the girl who is like "I only wear chapstick?" NOT ME. Nope. My morning routine is the whole shebang. Foundation, concealer for the uneven skin tone, powder, 3 different eyeshadow colors, TONS of mascara. YA heroines are naturally beautiful and don't need makeup or have big pores. I don't wake up and have songbirds singing of my timeless beauty. I have my husband running in the opposite direction because IT IS SCARY.
6) I've Never Read Anything the Bronte Sisters Have Written. Total deal breaker.
7) I Wasn't a Straight-A Student or Have My Sights Set on the Ivy League. Please. I had no time to be both studying and taking all the naps I did in high school. I didn't have Edward pressuring me to kick ass on all my tests and put in all my applications to Harvard and Dartmouth and Yale. I was a lazy student. Paranormal creatures do not like that.
8) My Relationship with a Control Freak Wouldn't Last Long. Wait, I'm cut off from all my friends and you don't like my Beer Saturdays? NEXT.
9) One Brush with Death and I'd Need Therapy. The successful YA heroine overcomes danger by taking that experience, learning from it, and becoming a stronger person mentally and sword-wieldingly. I would need Xanax and to use a good chunk of FMLA.
10) I'm Old. But maybe I could play a secondary character in the TV show or movie? 20-somethings as teen characters ALWAYS work out.